Like you want to hear about this again, right? Consider the image on the left your YsD warning; stop reading now if it bores you!
I heard from her today; she called as soon as she rolled out of bed at 12:30p. Does that sound snotty? Guess it was.
It reminded me of the low simmer I’ve been on since speaking with her right before Christmas… I don’t know how many remember that her belongings were stored in a friend’s garage and for a time she thought they were gone? I flipped out, blaming her for not asking for help and myself for not going to get the stuff.
But then a miracle occurred and everything was all right; the friend was back, had her stuff and it was supposed to be fine until she was ready for it…
Fast forward to December 23rd, when I wired her some Christmas money. I couldn’t actually mail anything because the psychotics she lives with apparently have a history of grabbing other people’s property.
Anyway, when I spoke with her that day, she confirmed that her friend Dana of the garage storage had moved up north. Everything she owned really was gone.
It hit me like it had the first day, hard in the chest. I know why bad news causes heart attacks; the shock literally stops your heart. Well, that’s what it feels like, anyway.
Brand new furniture, computer, books, DVDs, clothing, important papers… been here with me before, haven’t you? Yes, I’m mourning someone else’s things. Certainly an odd reaction, but I can’t shake the feeling of loss.
I put the problem to Tonie [OD] who told me -and rightly so- ‘You’re just going to have to let it go’… which sounds reasonable, right?
I can’t, though, and I’m extraordinarily angry with YsD about it… not that I would let her know, of course.
And I asked Tonie why she thought YsD never ever asked for any help of any kind from us, even when she was on the verge of losing everything… another fine example: when she was moving back over to Ft. Myers she wasted money by renting a big truck when she could have just asked our help. Wouldn’t have cost her a thing, but we had no idea she was even renting the truck until she pulled up in the driveway.
What a fucking immature thing to do. ‘Look at me; I’m a big girl now’. Try to help her load the truck… oh, hell no. She’s got it! She can take care of herself.
Tonie opined that the kid wants to feel like she’s doing it on her own. Maybe, but when she lives off the state, eats off the state and travels via city bus… asking for a little bit of help from us, who have never turned her down, is somehow taboo?
So I can’t quite wrap my mind around the stuff being gone, if that makes any sense. I struggle with it on a daily basis… and I have no idea why. Maybe I need to see a shrink.
Yes. I am truly angry. I am angrier with her than I have been in the last 20 years. In those 20 years I’ve seen her do some really outrageous and even loathsome things… and this is what finally makes me blow?
I’m going back outside to hack at the hedge while I have a good head of steam up.
Why waste mad? 
Working out and exhausting yourself are good ways to make you feel better about yourself. That is something you CAN control and will make you happier.
I’ve got less than half to go, though… and that’s saying something since the only tools I’m working with are pruners and a hacksaw. 
Is there any hedge left? Good for you for channeling your angry.
The thing with people who have her kinds of problems is that there are so many big dumb things that happen, you learn to expect them. The little dumb things are the unexpected ones. And the ones that hurt.
You have to let it go, and pray she’s learned her lesson. Because really, you had to know it could happen. Maybe what you’re really angry at is that as much as she seems to be getting it together, this is concrete proof that she’s not there yet. Which has to be frustrating.
In any case, hugs to you and A.
