First, to both you AND Arthur.

Second, Arthur is right. The hardest thing that you can do is to love someone enough to let them live their own life, whatever that may entail. (Something about ‘roots and wings’ comes to mind.)

It’s hard to hear someone you care about be upset and see so many hurdles before their own eyes. But look to the positives, she’s still sober/clean. That’s a HUGE plus right now.

And as Arthur said, if a small care package to Western Union will make you feel a little easier, then do so. But you have to continue to love her from afar and let her find (or not) her own way through this world. This is her life and this is her choice to make.

You’re doing the best thing by her that can be done right now. And it sucks wet sweaty old nasty dripping socks for it.

Take Bree for a nice walk and change the scenery a bit.

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Lee Ann is right…”Take Bree for a nice walk and change the scenery a bit”.

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Prayers on the way for you, Arthur and YsD. I am so sorry… Hang in there!

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Thanks, y’all. You’re the best.

I am so scared. I am so sad. Kaytlin has followed her everystep health wise so far… the ears and the teeth. Please please tell me she will not have to deal with this one too!!!!!!!!! They both do not deserve what has happened to them in this lifetime.

Kaytlin is not Tanya. She is different. She did not run away as soon as she could walk. She has you and Mike, and you guys will keep up with her teeth and ears and provide the structure needed to keep her on the right track. She doesn’t have cysts and she’ll be fine, really.

And yeah, I’m sad too.

I’M SO SORRY!!!! I have tears in my eyes for you. I don’t know what the right answer is. I truly don’t. I know I would want to jump in the car and run to the rescue too. Hang in there!!!

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So sorry you had such a shitty day.

Next time YsD calls, tell her to go to back to the doctor or wherever it was where they discovered the cysts and, I’m assuming she’s on Medicaid or Medicare or something, get a referral to a doc who can do something about this. There will be a doctor somewhere who will be willing to help.

Obviously she found someone to tell her this condition existed and as upset as she was (I would be, too), she needs to trust in that doc to help her formulate a plan of care because she just doesn’t have it within herself to do this yet. She needs to let the professionals do their jobs.

She can call and tell you what’s happening, but you don’t have to go into panic mode over it. Compassion mode, yes. Panic mode, no. Remind her that the very people who make such diagnoses are also there to help her find a solution to the problem. Help her focus on the solution. I guarantee you will both feel better. Cuz that’s what moms — step, adopted, birth, or otherwise — do: diffuse the situation and clear the cobwebs from our dusty, musty brains.

Special to all of you.

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Hugs, the big and squeezy kind.

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It is disappointing and depressing, but there is hope. She might not be on Medicaid yet, but she CAN be. And then she can get the referral. Once she gets that coverage, referrals are easy.

I’ll be praying and keeping my fingers crossed.

Stay positive and encouraging with her.

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Keep a list of things you want to tell her by the phone. When she calls, hear her out and then share your thoughts (that you’ve prepared) with her. And pray that she’s open to hearing them.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with an addict is teaching them to listen and to really hear what you’re saying. They spend so much time wrapped up in their pain and addictions that they forget how to tune in to other people. My guess is when she calls, she does a lot of the talking, if not all. And then as soon as you have something to say, she has to go. Again, just a guess.

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Hey, I’m a nurse. I have all sorts of tips and tricks to get info from people and to help them stay organized for doctor visits and sharing info with other docs, pharmacists, family, etc. Just ask sometime. I’ll give you the whole rundown.

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Joanie: Thank you for your sound advise. I try not let what is going on with my sister show to anyone really but my hubby. I can’t I have her/my kids to protect. You have offered Pam a strength that was really needed. Everyone has but you seem to have had the wake up call for me. Thank you..

Pam: I will give you all the hugs your friends have sent here to you in person a week from today. Great big support and love hugs…. So make a list of everyone who sent one. I do not want to forget anyone. I love you and hey Daddy…. I love you too!

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Pam and Tonie:

I pray for you. YsD is putting you through so much, it’s not fair the toll addiction takes on the whole family. But that’s part of the disease — the total self-absorption and the narrow view of the world in general. There’s only one world that matters: the addict’s.

Pam, you’re right. She’s not doing it on her own. She’s getting help from the Salvation Army. They don’t do everything for her, though. And YOU’RE not doing this for her. The SA requires YsD to be accountable for certain things and that’s how she’ll learn to do more on her own.

Where are her friends? Let’s be real here. Half are probably addicts, too, and she shouldn’t be around them. The other half have likely been burned by her in the past and they have families and jobs and other things on which they must focus and which they must protect. Like Tonie said, she has to take care of the kids and protect them from the YsD fallout. I’m sure there are many people who have tried to be there for YsD and now they just can’t do it anymore because of the impact it has on their families.

I don’t ever fault people for walking away when it gets to the point where the damage potential is so high. Especially those with families. We are the only thing between the ugliness in the world and children in many situations. We can’t invite addiction into our homes and expect everyone to function perfectly. It just doesn’t happen that way.

Sorry to have gone on so long. But I think of how important my friends are and how wonderful they’ve been to me and I KNOW without a doubt that they’re there for me. However, if I were an alcoholic or a drug addict or mentally unstable because I wasn’t taking my meds, there would be a time when they’d have to cut me out of their lives in order to protect themselves and their families. I accept this because this is my rule, too. You can’t fault anyone for putting their family first.

Now, for your list, Pam, start with:

Where are you staying?
How can I get in touch with you?
Are you in a safe place?
Are you taking your meds?
Which doctor did you see last?
Do you have Medicaid?
Have you spoken to someone at the Salvation Army about this?
If yes to Medicaid, have you asked for a referral to a doctor who can take care of the cysts?
Do you have a sponsor?
Are you attending meetings?
Are you working on taking care of yourself each and every day?
Can you call once a week and just let us know you’re okay?

You can’t just bombard her with question after question, but you can work those into conversation. Tackle the biggies first and then work your way down.

Now, the other thing I’m wondering is, are you strong enough to go to where she is, if it’s some Salvation Army place, and talk with her and the counselor? You won’t be enabling, you’ll be clarifying, for your sake, that she’s on the right path. You’ll be showing her that you care, but that you also expect her to behave like a responsible adult.

Feel free to email with questions. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have good resources when it comes to addiction and mental illness. (That darn nursing degree comes in handy sometimes!)

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Pam, I have the advantage of not being emotionally involved. I love you and wish I could help ease the pain you’re feeling over this situation, but I can’t. What I can do is tell you the same things I’ve told many families I’ve worked with over the years.

Da Goddesss last article: Mikey Update

Okay. Tell me if I’m overstepping at any point. I certainly don’t want to do that!

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