You’d think this type of cheap ride would be easy to find, and I guess they are… but my hoopty must be special; I don’t give a rat’s ass about the exterior, but the mechanical systems must be in apple pie order. While I can see replacing tires or brakes, I don’t want to front a transmission right off the bat.
I’ve looked over quite a few POS vehicles, but nothing has been right. Last night was pretty typical of my efforts so far.

I saw a Subaru Forester in AutoTrader with low mileage for 6999. The dealer’s website had it listed for 7999. Of course. I called the “pre-owned” number to make an appointment, and a gentleman took my name and we set a time. He asked if I knew where they were, and I replied “Yes, we bought a Wrangler a week ago, and your dealership was our first stop. Unfortunately, nobody would wait on us, so after 40 minutes we went down to Potamkin and bought one.”
That set the tone nicely, I think.

We parked quite a ways away from the door -seeking camouflage like whitetails on November 1st- and I sprinted across the parking lot to see ‘Alan’. An older gentleman who looked more like he should be running a Fortune 500 company than selling used cars greeted me with “Hi, did you bring Arthur with you?”
I knew a “we” had dropped during our previous, very brief convo, but this was a bit much.
“I don’t believe I told you my husband’s name.”
“Oh, I looked you up in the database.”

Oh, really…?
That kind of thing can fuel someone’s natural paranoia, if you know what I mean.

Another man with the charisma of creamed wheat was tapped to show us the unfortunate Forester, which needs some major work. The brakes were shot, which I could overlook, but Arthur had a list of required repairs, which Cream of Wheat insisted -in a rare burst of words; we weren’t aware he could speak- we take back into Alan.
Thus began the Dog & Pony Show, a complex yet well rehearsed set of maneuvers designed to make the customer’s head spin. So incapacitated, the potential buyer is then an easy mark. Or so they hope.

Confronted with Arthur’s list, Alan brings out Bill, who expresses surprise and claims he will demand the 300. back from the person who checked the car out and gave it an A rating. Alan quizzes Cream of Wheat, who feigns an inability to communicate with superiors or he really is lost, in which case I could start to feel sorry for him.

After further thrust and parry we are invited to check out the two Jeep Cherokees on the lot, and assured that if we liked one they could “work the price”.
Initially heartened, since the Cherokee is what I’d wanted first, Arthur and I followed again mute CofW back onto the lot. Neither truck was for us, as one had been submerged [how could they think we wouldn't notice?] and the other had ‘issues’.

We beat a hasty retreat, throwing a thankyouverymuch to Cream of Wheat over our backs.

It’s infinitely easier to purchase a new car than a used one; like a virgin, you’re sure where it’s been and who it’s been with. You know that you are the first, and if you happen to misuse it during your time together, well…. that’s just between the two of you, isn’t it?
The used vehicle is a mystery not easily unraveled and there may be an unpleasant surprise or two when history is revealed, but that’s what carfax and mechanics are for…

The hunt goes on.